Autonomy in Purpose and Meaning (English Midterm)

To most schools that occupy our dreams and prayers, we submit an essay answering whatever question they feel best gives us the opportunity to tell them about ourselves. We take it upon ourselves, as young teenagers, to reflect on the life we have lived thus far, and develop some sort of meaning that we hope resonates with the person reading our response. It's an unspoken rule that our essay must hold some substance and meaning that pushes admissions officers to pick us out from the sea of other applicants, often with similar or even better academic statistics. An essay that lacks such value presumably gets discarded or put amongst the thousands of other essays that failed to impress the officer.

Many students struggle with the same predicament every year. We don’t know what to write because we don’t know what the university specifically wants. There is no set rubric that determines whether one is accepted or rejected. Students are consequently tempted by the seemingly limitless possibilities of their imagination. They are pushed by the pressure to stand out and be unique from other applicants. They feel as if they can only attain this by writing an essay rooted in fiction.

But I think many of us fail to realize that the art of being unique doesn’t come from strenuous and forceful effort; it comes naturally, as a byproduct of authenticity. Through examinations of “The Stranger” and “Interior Chinatown,” and through my college essay research over the semester, I’ve realized that forcing yourself to find meaning in things you believe are meaningful to others is simply finding meaning in the meaningless.

This sentiment can be proven by exploring the journey of the protagonist, Meursault, in “The Stranger” by Albert Camus. In the story, Meursault struggles to fit into society. He struggles to meet expectations and fit certain characteristics. He deviates from what is considered socially normal and is isolated. He’s abnormal in the eyes of others, different from the rest of the pack. They are unable to label or categorize him, so people feel discomforted and promptly refer to him as a monster. As a result, Meursault struggles from these negative perceptions. However, he also struggles because he himself is aware that he doesn’t have the same meaning and purpose as the others seemingly have. He doesn’t feel belonging to a society with any of the other individuals around him, choosing to avoid emotional bonds. Meursault lives a life isolated and is prone to judgment from others.

A similar phenomenon may arise during the college application process. We become so afraid to deviate from what is stereotypically considered a solid student, that we are afraid to express our true selves on the one part of the application that we have some autonomy over. We fear that we will be viewed as inferior and different to other applicants if we decide to be honest and reveal our weaknesses and shortcomings. Students are naturally a paranoid bunch, but our anxieties are especially heightened during this experience. We fear we will be isolated like Meursault, our application isolated from the rest and thrown away. There is a worry that we will be judged as abnormal or simply inferior. We develop a struggle in wanting to create an essay that best showcases who we are down to our most unique and special attributes, but simultaneously being limited to the resources and stories that we feel others will approve of. Thus, the true content and themes of our essays deteriorate, with many choosing to write about something that isn’t all that important to them or something that they aren’t so familiar with. They seek what sounds impressive. Students may go down the loophole of writing something that is exaggerated or even untrue. They fall into the detrimental trap of always wanting to show perfection, forcing themselves to write about something that they feel others will find important and impressive. They think that they can essentially fake it until they make it.

However, modern science begs to differ. There is research revolving around how honesty and authenticity helps to attract and engage others (Applerouth, 2010). It is almost like an instinct and is referred to as limbic resonance by neuroscientists, who believe that these attractions and connections with others based on trust have allowed humans to survive for thousands of years (Applerouth, 2010). People are able to determine who is telling the truth, and are thus attracted to those honest and repelled from those who are not (Applerouth, 2010). With college essays often being the sole factor that can help differentiate you from the thousands of other qualified applicants, authenticity is inevitably key at not only showing vulnerability and telling your story, but also at even engaging and compelling admissions officers to consider your application positively.

In “Interior Chinatown,” we see the protagonist Willis Wu, who dreams of playing the coveted “Kung-Fu Guy” role, struggle to find his real identity. It’s a similar case to Meursault in “The Stranger,” with the two facing some sort of isolation and disapproval from the rest of society. Willis’s life essentially is metaphorically described as a movie set, with him picking up and trying to become different characters within the movie. The “Kung-Fu Guy” is what he believes to be the peak of a societal role for an Asian male. This is as far as he can go, according to the roles people of his race can play. By analyzing the metaphor, this is essentially describing how he is letting stereotypes and society’s expectations influence what kind of life he lives. He has aspirations, but his dreams are confined to be of a role that others strongly associate with his race, while he is weakly dissociated from it. Willis allows his life’s purpose to revolve around the standards of others. Because of such conformation, he loses authenticity and his true, core values. He conforms to this stereotype that only limits and harms his potential. His great desire to play the role of “Kung-Fu Guy” symbolizes his yearning for acceptance in a society that suffers from internalized racism and bias. By seeking this role and by seeking the approval from others, he begins to lose the important things in his life that characterize and represent him, such as his family. He drifts away from his family while trying to become someone that he thinks society will accept.

Just like Willis Wu, students can also lose themselves to the temptations of meeting society’s expectations. These temptations may spill into the process of writing their college essay. They may fall victim to their desires to exaggerate and lie about their story, because of their yearning for acceptance and an unhealthy obsession with approval, especially in the case of college applications. But by doing such things, we sacrifice authenticity and give up the things that make us, well, us. We start writing essays that officers can tell are exaggerated or simply inconceivable. We want our stories to paint us out to be better than the other pile of stories sitting on the officer’s desktop. Consequently, we end up losing our authentic life story, convoluting it with disingenuous sentences that we feel will paint us in a better light or fictional portions that try to make our lessons/motivations seem superior.

But if there’s anything I learned this year, it’s that it is important to accept authenticity and who you truly are, despite your flaws. It is of the utmost importance to write something that you find true meaning and passion in. This is further corroborated by several representatives from different universities, including one from Brigham Young, who stressed the importance of being authentic and letting the school know what kind of things and values are important to you personally (Doran & Chen, 2021). Instead of thinking about what others are doing or thinking, it is far more important to tell a story that conveys you. Experts have even claimed that the topics of the essay itself do not need to be extraordinary or beyond what other high schoolers can do (Doran & Chen, 2021). Lisa Otsuka goes as far as to state that “you can have a very mundane topic and a fantastic essay” (Doran & Chen, 2021). Although it is important to not do topics that are commonly perceived as far too frequent, the importance behind the authenticity of the essay and the extent at which it helps to represent the student and their story greatly outweighs its normalcy and averageness. Finding your own meaning and message within the student’s essay is incredibly important and is the very basis of crafting a solid piece that makes the university want the student. Even if we think that others won’t be impressed, we can’t let that hinder us (Holiday, 2017). Everyone can’t always be satisfied. Even if a college truly isn’t impressed with our authenticity, it is almost guaranteed that another will. All in all, students shouldn’t let themselves be weighed down by expectations and what others think.

Therefore, once Willis Wu decides to live a life unburdened by expectations and social norms, he finds true happiness and reconnection with the people whose opinions he truly cares about most: his family. He finds reconciliation with his wife and daughter, choosing to embrace his authenticity and his identity, instead of wasting his life away chasing after a role made by others. Just like Willis Wu, there comes a point where we must come to terms of who we truly are. We differ as humans and should accept said differences, even if we feel we are lacking. Instead of trying to be like or better than others, it is far more healthy to show people who we truly are.

With many students living in a society or environment that expects the best from us, this healthy set of standards can quickly deviate into an unhealthy obsession of being perfect. This catering to perfection may cause students to put too much weight into the opinions of others. This quickly explodes in intensity during college application season. Students may scramble to write something unique, something that others have not yet touched in the millions of essays ever sent to universities. But in true authenticity and honesty, does something truly unique and special come to life. By telling the simple truth, it becomes so specific to you to the point where the topic itself becomes unique. No one else has lived the same life as you. Just like Meursault and Willis, let your worries of others absolve and let your essay speak to the school. Let it recall the previous chapters of your life, and help write the new ones. 

 

 

References

Applerouth, J. (2010, August 17). Authentic Admissions Essays: Be Who You Are, Not Who You Think        They Want. applerouth. https://www.applerouth.com/blog/authentic-admissions-essays-be-who-you-           are-not-who-you-think-they-want
Camus, A. (2012). The Stranger (M. Ward, Trans.). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group.
Doran, K., Buckley, T., & Chen, S. (2021, December 13). Rethinking College Admissions: Essay Advice     From the Inside. M-A Chronicle. https://machronicle.com/rethinking-college-admissions-essay-advice-    from-the-inside/
Holiday, R. (2017, December 19). How To Stop Letting Others Dictate Your Worth. Medium. https://           ryanholiday.medium.com/how-to-stop-letting-others-dictate-your-worth-470d90eee4e2
    Yu, C. (2020). Interior Chinatown. Vintage Books.